Stay steady hating my life. After she said, “I do not like being a mother,” she said, “I never did and I feel really guilty. I didn't get it. “If you don’t require your partner to be an adult, he won’t act like one,” says Valentine. Now that I am an adult, I can't stand them touching me, wanting to give me a kiss, or lying their head in my shoulder. My husband and child both have OCD and anxiety, and he’s paranoid as well. Because that’s what always happens when we voice the heaviness of our heart out loud. I am so grateful to have found this form. I got home, told him he had to have a time out like Id said in the car, he was not having it. But I read that working women, working outside the home, are less depressed. I can thoroughly recommend that you go to youtube and find videos of Dr. Jordan Peterson giving lectures on all kinds of subjects and also read or listen to his book "12 Rules for Life". It's like her presence annoys me. But, if I’m being honest, it sure feels like it. Didi's feelings of being a misfit come from somewhere deep and, until she realizes that, she's going to stay miserable. In that moment I was scared that I was feeling the way I was feeling.". I would tell her to either get a part-time job or to work her way back into law. I just cut ties with my mom after a long history of putting up with un-mom-like behavior. All of a sudden they are starting their own business, taking some classes, traveling, etc. I am glad that you found a way. I don't like feeling so much pressure from everyone to be a saint and "love them like my own." I read it, not all of it. I feel like a terrible mom and have thought seriously about saying I can’t do this and giving them up. This whole thing feels like a loud and messy waiting room, and my fear is that when I finally get out I’ll be too old or my health will change and prevent us from doing all the things we fantasize about when our kids leave. I am constantly attacked with guilt feelings for having these emotions for her. And I can't say this out loud. Oh, God! But I felt free. When she's big and looks back to her childhood, I know she won't remember any pleasant memories with me. I get to do something new each day and that’s freakin’ exhilarating. I'll try to be a better mom. Often, children who have experienced parental rejection will seek love and validation elsewhere. I don’t believe these feelings make me a bad mother, I’m a great mom, especially for boys; I can joke about wieners, boogers don’t bother me, and girl clothes are puzzling. I think that if Didi goes back to her career outside home, she in turn can come home each day with more of a sense of accomplishment which would in turn make her want to be the best wife and mother she can be. I’m a little relieved to know I’m not the only one with these feelings. I left my job. I hope you're in a better place (on earth! I believed the lie that once I became a mom that was now absolutely everything for me. Everything you've said. For some reason people believe that life should be a happy and wonderful experience all the time. As I uncovered these feelings I quickly understood it wasn’t a phase and I began to cradle this unhappiness. And that seems like the worst truth of all. I'm always yelling and annoyed with her. I wasn’t observing their excitement, I was merely noticing their messes. When you become a mom it's like people think it's instant bliss. I read about Adam and Eve in the scriptures and decided that children have always wanted what they couldn't have and that opposition is part of parenting plan. I'm over it. Toys all over the floor? Although they are often criticised for delaying childbearing, a new study shows that older … I told him upfront I will not be the kind of mother you expect. I watched him suck his tiny fingers and observed my little baby, who had found his hand and blankie as a way to self-soothe almost three years ago. Every night in bed I promise myself to treat her better the next day. You have to do it anonymously on the internet because to say it out loud brands you as an evil person. He just listened. And babies...I love. You're genuine and real and have a lot more going on upstairs than either the PTA princesses or the corporate data-heads. The heartbreak is real. I don’t want my mom to be a part of my life anymore because she is a … Do You Say This One Word Relationship Killer? Could do with someone who understands these feelings - I’ll compare notes with you! I even say, my life sucks. I was missing the way their a little eyes gaze up at me with love because I am their whole world. Being a mom or dad isn't in the cards for everyone. Why is it that a lot of husbands of these women, who the vast majority of are likely doing all they can, say that they would be happy to switch places with their wives if it were possible and claim, believably I may add, that they would be able to cope. I feel like my life doesn't matter and going to work won't fix it it's just going to add more to my plate and take away time from the things that have to be done at home making it all pile up even more. It's time to get back our freedom, the society can't just push us and keep us being slaves. I have two boys and they both are kind and considerate children. When I say the words “I lost my mom” out loud, they don’t seem right, because a lost sock can be found again. I believe I even resent her. Depression in young mothers is rampant according to an esteemed child psychiatrist I know. I can only feel somewhat happy or at peace when she's not around at all. I don’t mind it but there are some definite drawbacks on both sides of the fence. My then husband thought it was the woman's job to care for the kids so help was pretty much obsolete. I’m in WAY over my head with this. The program is a life-long program designed to help the parent and child develop life skills and character traits for success. Didi's own mother didn't really want to be a mother, felt trapped in her situation, and took on the role of martyr. Of these single parents, 80.4% are mothers. I have recently stopped cooking because it totally frustrates me so I try to find the quickest recipes to feed them. I feel suffocated I imagine packing a bag and leaving. I wish this wasn’t the truth. I sure was glad I found this forum. This isn’t just a missing sock. So I was shocked when I discovered I was pregnant I knew I didn't want to have the baby however he is very religious and not to mention glowed for a man to glow when they talk about fatherhood I mean I had to have the baby. Dear Louisee, She passed this sense of duty and self-sacrifice down (through example) to Didi, who also feels like she "should" be there as a perfect stay-at-home mom, happy and fulfilled. I love my kids more then it is possible to say/express, but the job of mom I absolutely hate. Go back to work Didi, I was an RN and very lucky I could have time at work and be home. I feel like I’m drowning and just have disassociated from everything. Nothing prepared me for how difficult it would be. I'm always crying or upset. But I don’t like being a mom—though truly—the why of it all is unimportant. This is fascinating, but TRUE! It's OK because I love my kids and my husband, but as far as being a stay-at-home-mom goes, well, the job and I are not best friends. Subscribe for more great family videos: I don't like you Mommy! Like the OP my oldest got encephalitis and became difficult and my second child’s cry, which she did often due to bad gut health, was like nails on a chalkboard. Yes I know, that’s motherhood but no one can really prepare you for how utterly consuming it is. It's a constant juggling act, and not a day goes by that I don't question my choice. 5 years later I met my husband now I'm in my late thirties he is in his forties never had kids always wanted them. "You don't have to be the type who fawns over babies," says Rubenstein. I don't know your situation. I have no friends who are married with kids and probably are going thru what I am so it's hard to express how I'm feeling. I didn’t want to be the only childless one amongst my friends and thought I’d love the baby when he/she arrived. That’s what I’m a feeling right now. It makes me super anxious and I don't like it! I guess that’s why were all here posting annon, 6 Positive Psychology Prescriptions to Improve Health, Bad Moms: Social Stigmas and Postpartum Mental Illness, Experiencing the Ups and Downs of Motherhood, How to Make Your Way Into (Practically) Any Group. I'm so sad everyday. And people judge. If you’ve ever felt this way, I urge you to be honest with other moms… It's on you. This. And my husband I feel has expectations I can't deliver. These articles and comments help me keep sane and keep perspective. too old to do anything fun and they will probably throw me into a nursing home and never visit. … But when it comes to motherhood, my passions don’t matter, my boys are more important. Maybe get counseling to help you deal. I never want to go back home. Copyright 2020 Julie Maida. I was missing sticky faces and dirty feet. I love to take them out and do activities with them and all but doing the whole parenting thing is a big no for me. I have felt this way for most of my motherhood. Motherhood just isn't romantic for some of us. I haven’t gotten more than 2 hours of sleep at a time in well over a month or two. I was passing up chances to teach, to build core values and strong character traits. Heck! I married young and found that I didn't have coping skills necessary for the barrage of negotiations, and bartering that went with motherhood. I had my first baby when I was 18 very young I know but my home life throughout my teenage years and even before not so great. ;). Tune her completely out. Being a stay-at-home does not work for all of us, and the sooner we all realize this sad but true fact, the sooner the old "expectations" for women will go away. We need to take care of ourselves in order to do the very best for our children. It is like they all do it together in this sisterhood, but I just don't want to hang out with them. It's that mix between self and others and happiness and obligation. I'm so glad I found this forum. Try therapy, they are good at going into your roots. I knew I hated being a mom I sent my son's to live with him 5 years later I met my first husband we had a son and I actually wanted to have a real family. I don't like being a mom. Just last night I prayed that I would do better for my oldest. MJ October 14th, 2017 at 6:43 PM . Kids that talk back to me, throw clothes and wrappers on the floor, and complaints that all I do is yell because they would rather play Fort Nite than do homework. I feel like I could have written the OP down to the cliquey moms. Being a "Fashion Mom" Is Not About “Aspirational Motherhood” I was lucky enough to spend weeks at home with my husband and my family when Lila first arrived. I recently watched a video called "I don't like being a mom" by Jessica Hover, and it really struck a chord with me during a tough week. Come find me on Facebook, let's compare notes. I hate being a mom with a passion. My husband was flown home and like me, had no idea what was happening, but didn’t like it and almost left. Just before I got to that, I decided to try a last ditch effort to pray for help. How Narcissists Keep Their Mates From Leaving or Cheating. I have zero time for me. Hi Dr. Barron, A few months after I had my second son I began to uncover a new passion for my life—a passion that didn’t include sleepless nights, arguments with a three-year-old, endless cleaning and having not a minute alone. Fact: there are approximately 13.7 million single parents in the US today, collectively responsible for raising 22.4 million children. I’m going through divorce and the kids are with me for all but 8 hours a week. I really don’t know if I can handle this on my own. It’s relentless and when mothers say “oh it’s all worth it in the end” I feel like saying “when?? Because the home matters. However, while I cherish my children, I don’t like being a mom. All I see is this toddler flipping everything over. I know this is over a year old, but I was searching for hopeless mom.. I'm so glad I found this post. Think about starting a blog for moms like you - there are lots of them out there! No, how you feel about babies before you have one isn't an accurate predictor of the kind of mother you'll become. I was always conflicted about having a child but in a moment of madness in 2017 I thought it’d be a great idea to have a baby. That said, sometimes we can turn foreign and experiences into something authentic. That is what I found is the most effective way to juggle being a mother, business owner, employee, and still have a happy life.”-Carrie A. Boan, a NeuroLife Coach and mother I'm a husband of a wife feeling this. One of my biggest struggles with identifying as a mom was feeling like my life was over because now I was a mom. But I don’t like being a mom—though truly—the why of it all is unimportant. I'm glad you are being treated, I was not treated. I had taken the first four years of my sobriety to build up this woman, and now I wanted to live as her, I wanted to be her, yet being her seemed impossible. 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